We always talk about what to do to offer good customer servicebut now you’re about to learn how to deliver the worst customer service in the world.

You may have already seen some tips on how to improve the customer service of your company, tips for offering a happy customer experience and even tips for improving your call center service. If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s worth reading these articles.

Now that we know what to do to deliver the best customer experiencelet’s talk about what to do to deliver the best experience. Here’s the world’s worst customer service manual:

How to deliver the worst customer experience

1 – When setting up your customer service operation, make sure that your agents need to work with at least 15 different systems during a call.

And never think about optimizing the attendant’s work! If possible, have up to 20 different systems for them to work with during the call. That’s exactly why browsers invented tabs. The service will take a long time, the agent will get lost and the customer will hate it. Service score 0!

2 – No connection between the sales team and the support team.

Use different systems for these two fronts of your service. That way, no one is aware of the customer’s journey and the contact history already recorded with them. The customer will hate receiving 20 calls from your sales team while trying to solve a problem with support.

3 – Have a 12-hour SLA.

12 hours is the perfect average service time if you want to make your customer dissatisfied. Make them wait for an answer for a whole day or, if possible, even longer. Believe me, it works! They will be very dissatisfied.

4 – Don’t pay attention to the important data, let alone put it in a spreadsheet.

Data? What for? Ask your customer service agents to write down just the customer’s name on a post-it note and stick it anywhere on the desk. You don’t have to write it down correctly either. If the customer’s name is Josivaldo, you can write down Osvaldo and use that name the next time you approach him.

5 – Publicize your service channels as little as possible.

Let the customer struggle to find a customer service number or even a sales number. Put it in fine print on your company website or not at all. Let them search for a contact on Google and land on your company’s accounting office. And if they don’t give up and get in touch, congratulations! You’ve gained a very angry customer.

6 – Set an IVR from option 1 to 9.

And make the customer write down a very large protocol number (approximately 15 numbers, never less). If the call drops and they haven’t written down the protocol, tell them they’ll have to start all over again.

7 – Zero autonomy for attendants.

Can your attendant do it? Always believe not. Control the operation closely and create various processes so that they can’t solve problems and need you forever. Control is the key to the success of bad and lengthy customer service.

8 – Exclusive service? Never.

It doesn’t matter if the negotiation of a sale was already underway or if a problem was already being solved by an agent. If it’s a new call or a new contact by any other means, don’t return that call to the agent who was handling it. Put someone else (anyone, even the cashier at the physical store who also has to deal with the WhatsApp demand from time to time) in charge of that customer and make them say it all over again.

9 – Don’t have a FAQ.

Don’t give prior assistance to any customer. However, if you do want to comply with this protocol on your website, make sure you include long, non-objective answers, update them no more than once a year and don’t use explanatory images. Let the customer waste a lot of time reading, only to end up unable to solve anything.

10 – Fill your site with sales pop-ups.

Sales only! No support, please.

11 – Zero flexibility for attendants.

Keep track of all your breaks, including the minutes you spend in the bathroom. A break that exceeded 5 minutes? Warning! Lunch? 15 minutes is plenty. Home office? Never an option. Everything has to be controlled and not at all flexible. This way, they’ll pass on all their demotivation and dissatisfaction with the work environment to the people they work with. The results will be terrible.

12 – Use the duration of the service as the main metric.

You’ll see: the rush not to exceed 2 minutes and 30 seconds will bring incredible results in lousy service. Your agents will do anything to beat that target.

13 – Don’t innovate! Focus only on telephone service.

Customers hate talking on the phone, especially when it’s their only option.

14 – Frustration is key.

The more frustrated you can make the customer, the worse their experience will be. Surprise their expectations negatively, don’t make anything easy and, whenever possible, give them a bad service.

These are the 14 steps to the worst customer experience. If you identify with any of these actions, we have two important things to say:

The first is that you are well on your way to providing the worst service in the world to your customers. The second is that Scooto can help you change this course and offer the best customer service experiences, and this can start right now. Our sales team is ready to help your company here.